Just Ugh…

I have nothing to say really. Some drama, but trying not to let it get the best of me. With my OCD, it’s hard. I have tried to keep to myself, but not everyone can appreciate that. Someone needs something to talk about so they decided to stir my shit pot. I have debated whether or not to use it here, but I think it may resonate with someone, so I will.

Wednesday afternoon someone placed a letter in my mailbox. It had my name written on the front and inside there were three separate letters. There was one that addressed both of us, one to me, and one to the ex-boyfriend. The one to both of us expressed plainly that we were not to read each other’s, but particularly that I was not to read his.

I read mine. It was very cold and mean. It detailed everything that I did wrong and taunted me with the fact that he would never forgive me.

I didn’t even think twice. I opened the one with his name on it and read it. To me, they were just kissing his ass. It said how wrong I was but how he could have done things differently. I obsessed over it all night. How could someone do that?

But my friend Ann rode with me the next morning to see my hypnotherapist and we picked the letters apart. They were typed, but the names were hand written. Ann thought she recognized the writing. We went through every word and eliminated person by person who knew or didn’t know the things brought up in the letters. She also pointed out that what I was taking as ass kissing in his letter was actually a defense of sorts for me. Once Ann pointed this out to me, I began to think of friends who may want to take action on my behalf.

Then we started looking at the timeline of the letters and what information was covered in them. Nothing was mentioned of anything recent. This eliminated anyone I had talked to recently…all three of them. I looked at 6 people, but nothing after me losing the baby was mentioned…not a thing. That told us it’s someone I haven’t shared things with since last May.

Am I OCDing it? Oh yeah. I can’t figure out what the purpose was. There are so many possibilities it makes my head spin. Some are positive. Some aren’t. But regardless someone found it necessary to bring back stuff I tried so hard to leave behind me.

I don’t have an answer for how to deal with it except to keep it to the people who know. But it’s eating at me. I can’t even talk about it anymore right now. Guess it doesn’t help anyone, but…

Have a wonderful day and keep plugging away.